Now I’ve seen everything.

October 14, 2008

By some unfortunate series of events, I found myself at home the other day, watching that new daytime show called “The Doctors.” One of their guests was an ill-fated attractive woman in her 40s who had never experienced an orgasm.  Ever.  In her life.  Damn. That’s gotta suck.

But what really got my attention was another guest, named Heather, who suffered from something called PGAD, which stands for Persistent Genital Arousal Disorder.

To which I said, “Huh?  The fuck is that?”

Here are Heather’s symptoms: She is sexually aroused throughout each and every day for apparently no reason.  She is compelled – morning, noon and night – to masturbate.  Not only to masturbate, but to have 3 consecutive orgasms each time she masturbates.  Somehow, this has completely wrecked her marriage and her life.  She doesn’t even want to leave the house anymore.

The good doctor explained that there were certain areas of the brain, blah blah blah.

OK, hold the phone here.  You’re telling me that the urge to jerk off frequently is now some sort of serious medical condition?  I thought it was called boredom.

According to a website I found on this matter, PGAD is primarily experienced by women, has no known cause or cure.  Imagine that.  Oh, but I’m sure the pharmaceutical companies will launch some new pill for it soon. Maybe they’ll call it “Orgastrol”.   Imagine the TV ads for that disorder – you thought the ones for Restless Legs Syndrome were funny!  (At least I thought they were.)

Anyone out there suffering from this same sort of disorder?  Pardon me for making such light of it – I don’t know about you all, but I think most teenagers (and many adult men) suffer from this “malady”, don’t you?

5 Responses to “Now I’ve seen everything.”

  1. […] Jeremy Litchfield wrote an interesting post today on […]

  2. ozymandiaz Says:

    You are correct. Find a lable for something and a pharmaceutical company will damn sure sell you a pill (or, moreover, a perscription).
    Hell, what they need to do is invent a pill that CAUSES it and I bet they would be the most profitable company in the world.
    what would be a good name for it
    The Venus pill
    or howabout
    the Nymphenhancer…

  3. mindserased Says:

    Venus pill. I like that. They could include free samples with those Venus razors they’re always pimping to women on those other stupid TV ads. But the Nymphenhancer… now THAT is something for the annals of late night informercials. Wouldn’t that be a great thing to watch at 3:00 a.m. when you can’t sleep? Testimonials from bored housewives about how this pill saved their marriages? MWAHAHAHAHA!!

  4. Mardé Says:

    Instead of the endless Erectal Dysfunction (ED) ads for Viagra, Levitra, and Cialis, drug companies can now target people suffering from Erectal Overstimulation (EO) with new anti-Viagra, anti-Levitra, or anti-Cialis medications with ads “kill that erection with Disviagra? Well, maybe the analogy doesn’t quite hold…

  5. mindserased Says:

    I love how those ED ads all tell you to call your doctor if you “experience an erection lasting longer than 4 hours”. What’s the doctor gonna do – talk you down over the phone? Shouldn’t the doc say, “Well, son, put it to good use!” Heh. I’m so flippant.

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