I’m not sure who elected this woman to be the moral compass for all of humanity – oh wait, she appointed herself (must be a religious nut – that complex seems to run rampant among the devout) – but JoAn Karkos has been causing quite a stir with her little crusade against the children’s book “It’s Perfectly Normal” by award-winning children’s author Robie Harris.

Karkos, a tax-paying resident of the city of Lewiston, Maine, walked into both the Auburn and Lewiston public libraries last year and checked out their copies of this book, with no intention of ever returning them.  In fact, she was quite forthright about this – she wrote a letter to each library, included a check to each to cover the cost of the books, and claimed that the books are pornographic, and that they should not be read by anyone.

Wouldn’t that be like me shoplifting an ugly pair of pants from a store, then sending the store a note and check for them?  (P.S. I’m a total fucking smegtard.)

Her note to Rick Speer, director of the Lewiston Public Library, reads as follows:

Mr. Rick Speer,

It is with great disappointment to discover that American Public Libraries do not have adequate discernment of books appropriate for youth to read.”

It’s Perfectly Normal” is a book I rented from both the Lewiston and the Auburn public libraries. As warned, the book is extremely offensive to the dignity of person hood. Since I have been sufficiently horrified of the illustrations and the sexually graphic amoral abnormal contents, I will not be returning the books. Therefore, enclosed to your library is a ckeck for $20.95, the cost plus tax for purchase price of the book.

I suspect the overseers who reason what is acceptable for youth to read might not be interested in my detailed list of objections to this so-called children’s material — this is unacceptable material that even adults find offensive. However, feel free to contact me if you desire.

JoAnn Karkos

She has, of course, ignited a huge media circus in Maine, or what accounts for a media circus in such a rural place.  As of this writing, a judge has ordered Karkos to pay $100 in fines and to return the book by Friday, August 29th at 4 p.m., or she will be arrested.

I am quite certain that this woman believes she is a modern-day civilly disobedient Thoreau wannabe; she even said as much as she was leaving the courtroom.

OK, I’m all for people sticking their neck out for what they believe.  But this woman is just plain nuts, believing that she is doing god’s work by stirring up all this controversy – which, ironically, has only sparked more interest in this book. (Fervor isn’t always thought out well by those in the midst of it. )

Doesn’t this wrinkled woman understand that most kids know all this shit already?  That every ride on the school bus can be a sort of sex ed lesson, talking about pee-pees and hearing all the older kids in back talk about blow jobs and hand jobs and you name it?  Where would she prefer that children get their sex ed, from the fucking Bible, which advocates incest and rape?  Where’s the dignity in that?  In her own words, Karkos says that “bashfulness is a natural protection for children… and when that is violated, they’re much more open to predators.”  A book is violating some sense of bashfulness? What fucking planet is she living on??  I’d say that the kid who doesn’t know shit about sex and doesn’t really know what is OK or not OK for them is, most likely, a child of religious wackos and/or an altar boy, who’s never been talked to about it by their red-faced parents and is more open to predators than those kids who know what’s up and are in touch with their bodies and their feelings.  If any entity has ever attached shame to sexuality, the all-time winner would be religion, period.  Wouldn’t we rather that the facts about sex and sexuality be presented plainly, and let all the dumbshit parents of the world inject their own sense of morality into it, whatever the flavor might be, without imposing that morality on the rest of us, for chrissake??

I am torn, because as much as I’d like to see this bifocaled bitch should get thrown in the slammer for being more dangerous to society than all of the drug dealers already unfortunate enough to be in there – I also think that because this woman wants to go to jail in some public stand in defense of morality (ho hum), then she shouldn’t be given that satisfaction.

What d’y’all think?

Nuns on parade.

August 26, 2008

Boy, them Catholics sure know their way around perversion, don’t they?  Can’t they even play by their own rules?  Take this latest stunning example (thanks, BBC):

Priest to hold nun beauty pageant

An Italian priest says he is organising the world’s first beauty pageant for nuns to erase a stereotype of them as being old and dour.

  • And who better to do it than a man who is (probably) sexually aroused by young boys?

Antonio Rungi says The Miss Sister Italy online contest will start on his blog in September.

“Nuns are – above all – women, and beauty is a gift from God,” he told Italy’s Corriere della Sera newspaper.

  • Yes – a gift that you especially, as a celibate man, have no business exploiting!

He is asking nuns to send their photos to him, saying that internet users will then choose the winner.

  • Oh, I see – you are ENCOURAGING the rest of us heathens to objectify these nuns?

Father Rungi stressed that nuns were not being invited to parade in bathing suits, saying it will be up to them whether they pose with the traditional veil or with their heads uncovered.

  • Showing a little too much forehead there, you fucking whore!

“This contest will be a way to show there isn’t just the beauty we see on television but also a more discreet charm,” the priest, who lives near the southern city of Naples, told the Corriere della Sera.

  • Discreet charm = ugly.

“You really think all nuns are old, stunted and sad? This isn’t the case anymore,” he said, pointing out that many young nuns had arrived to Italy from around the world.

  • Yeah – many of them are former hookers, junkies and other assorted misfits who have resorted to the nun’s life because they either can’t go home or they have, in desperation, bought into religion’s big lies about redemption and all that crap.

He added that the idea of staging such a contest had been suggested by nuns themselves.

  • Probably because they are feeling horny and unfulfilled.

Book publishing giant Random House and children’s author Dame Jacqueline Wilson are under fire from all the conservative freaks who apparently don’t like the word “twat” and all that it implies. So, the great Dame has buckled to pressure and has changed the offending word to “twit” in her latest work, My Sister Jodie. You can read more about this story here.

Once again, they’re bitching about words. (May I refer you, once again, to the mighty Frank Zappa, from an earlier post?)

If I type the phrase, “I’m going to kick that girl right in the twit”, you know exactly what is implied by the word “twit”. So why not just say “twat”? If you drop a bowling ball and exclaim, “Oh jeezum crow, that freaking hurt!”, why not just say, “Jesus Christ, that fucking hurts like fucking hell and I think I just broke my goddamn foot!”?

Words are tools, that’s it. A means to an end. I don’t believe any one word is more holy or more sacred or more offensive or more potent than another. Do I go around at my place of work and swear like a sailor? No (maybe under my breath occasionally), only because I have been beaten down by the moral code of society and don’t have the balls to be like my uncle Roger, who would shake hands with anyone and say, “How the fuck are you?” He was just a really friendly guy who felt the same way about language as I do – that it’s not the words you need to worry about, it’s the intent. Like George Carlin said, don’t worry about the word “nigger” – worry about the racist asshole who’s using it. It’s like watching an R movie edited for prime time TV, and hearing Steven Segal kick the living shit out of his wiseguy victim, and hearing said victim scream a poorly dubbed-in “oh gosh!” Please. Don’t treat us like we’re brainless idiots (although there are innumerable such idiots all over the place).

I have not read Wilson’s new book, but she seems to be, by all accounts, a highly acclaimed, socially-conscious author, whose older works deal with issues that are of interest to preteens and teens – dating, peer pressure, teen pregnancy, etc. etc. Can we just let artists and writers be artists and writers, and do their part to help enlighten the rest of us heathens?

And don’t these over-protective fascist parents and scaredy-cat conservatives realize that all they are doing, by making a huge deal out of this, is promoting the offending material even further, and boosting sales?

It saddens me that Wilson “doesn’t want to offend her readers or her readers’ parents”, to quote the BBC article. Of course, Wilson was ultimately motivated by British grocery chain Asda‘s decision to not carry the edition with the word “twat”.

Come on, people – don’t be offended by the word “twat” – be offended by the censorship that threatens every single person who can form a sentence or a thought of their own.

Hooker with a penis.

August 21, 2008

I can’t get this song out my head today. For lack of inspiration, I leave you with this to chew on. I’ve even included the lyrics so you can sing along at home! Tool makes selling out sound so kick-ass.

I met a boy wearing Vans, 501s, and a
Dope beastie T, nipple rings, and
New tattoos that claimed that he
Was ogt,
From 92,
The first ep.

And in between
Sips of coke
He told me that
He thought
We were sellin out,
Layin down,
Suckin up
To the man.

Well now I’ve got some
Advice for you, little buddy.
Before you point the finger
You should know that

I’m the man,
And if I’m the man,
Then you’re the man, and
He’s the man as well so you can
Point that fuckin finger up your ass.

All you know about me is what I’ve sold you,
Dumb fuck.
I sold out long before you ever heard my name.

I sold my soul to make a record,
Dip shit,
And you bought one.

So I’ve got some
Advice for you, little buddy.
Before you point your finger
You should know that
I’m the man,
If I’m the fuckin man
Then you’re the fuckin man as well
So you can
Point that fuckin finger up your ass.

All you know about me is what I’ve sold you,
Dumb fuck.
I sold out long before you ever heard my name.

I sold my soul to make a record,
Dip shit,
And you bought one.

All you read and
Wear or see and
Hear on TV
Is a product
Begging for your
Fatass dirty
Dollar

So…shut up and

Buy my new record
Send more money
Fuck you, buddy.

Piety it ain’t.

August 14, 2008

Take a look at this high-and-mighty, smug, fatso shithead, praying, in the spirit of Christian love and brotherhood, for a rainstorm to ruin Obama’s speech at the DNC. The folks at Fox News are probably falling all over themselves to get this on the air.

Two posts in one day, I know. That’s how worked up I am about these religious fascists. And yes, I do have a sense of humor. What troubles me is that a lot of Jeezly folks out there are probably going to do what this man is asking for – fervently wish for a little divine intervention to make someone else’s day go sour. Go back and reread the fucking Sermon on the Mount, for chrissake.

What a gas.

August 14, 2008

Perhaps this is akin to the Prosperity Gospel that the mega-church pastors/hypocrites are always flapping their gums about, but I think this sort of solipsist idiocy takes the cake.

By now, you’ve probably heard of Rocky Twyman, the Pray At The Pump activist.

This man and his many followers sincerely believe that the falling gas prices are a direct result of the prayer circles being held in gas station lots all over the country. This idea is inspiring Church of Exxon pray-ins all over the place:

I know, what does it hurt to have a few people standing in everyone’s way at the gas station and selfishly ask god, who should already be aware of what people want and need and grant it in such a magnanimous way, to help people keep more of their money which they can, in turn, donate to the churches who sponsor these pray-ins – donations, which, after all, are a way of showing thanks to god for lowering the gas prices. Do you see what’s happening here, people? Opportunism. I’m quite sure that these lecherous church leaders are finding a way to reach even further into these people’s pockets, all glory to god. Give me a break.

Five rings of bullshit.

August 12, 2008

I used to love the Olympics as a child. I would stare at the TV, transfixed by the gathering of all nations in a friendly competition intended to melt all borders, barriers and beefs between the world’s people. Kum Ba Yah, baby!

But the media (as usual) have ruined it for me. They say it’s not political but, of course, they just HAD to pan over Dubya’s reaction to Iraq’s entry into the Parade of Nations during the opening ceremony. I don’t know about you, but I’m trying to forget about all that shit for a while. And if it’s really about the gathering of the world’s athletes, then why do they HAVE to focus so microscopically on the American athletes? Oh, some Australian dude broke a world record in swimming? If he’s not American and his name isn’t Michael Phelps, who cares? And by the way – the American’s just got 12th place in pig shaving! Quick – pan to the proud parents while some gold medalist from some other country other than the U. S. of A. talks to the nice reporter from the BBC, who actually give a damn about the true spirit of the Olympics.

I know, I know, Sullivan’s world record was beat by, well, um, Phelps. The following day. But you get my point. Phelps himself said that the media are the ones making a big deal out of him and all he is doing is “swimming fast.”

Turn the TV off, people. Besides – all these American Olympians are headed for one of the following:

1. Teaching other rich people’s kids how to swim (or run or row or…)

2. A job with ESPN, NBC, or some other sports affiliate.

3. Living off endorsement money.

4. Public speaking.

5. Waking up and realizing that, shit, I gotta stop inspiring the world and get a real job.