Ann Coulter is a cunt.

October 18, 2012

By now, everyone has probably seen this week’s highly offensive tweet that originated in the cortex of this supposed paragon of conservative morality and decency.  If not, it goes as follows:

“Last Thursday was national ‘coming out’ day.  This Monday is national ‘disown your son’ day.”

Was she joking?  Who knows.  Maybe a little, but probably not.

Can she say things like this?  Of course she can.

Should she say things like this?  Only if she wants to win the “cuntiest cunt of the cunting universe” award.  But she was already in the running for that post anyhow.

For her to be so cavalier in her attitudes towards a very real scenario that plays out in the living rooms and at the kitchen tables of households all over this planet is quite shocking, even to someone as cynical as I am.

Sad thing is, comments like these from someone in her position of influence over thousands of equally close-minded bigoted cunt-heads will only serve two purposes: to further galvanize said bigoted cunt-heads and to further ostracize the very people for whom one would hope their Christian compassion would instead hope to embrace lovingly.

Then again, who the fuck said morality comes from the bible?  Oh yeah, that’s right – the asshole Christians themselves who for centuries have also used that same ill-authored document to justify and sanction slavery, genocide, rape, torture, incest, murder and other similar feel-good human activities.

Ann, do us all a favor and keep your stupid cunt-head mouth shut and get back to what you do best — which is, well, unfortunately, being a stupid cunt.  Damn.  Well, how about this – have you considered a career in adult entertainment?  I hear that there is a quite a market for it, especially among the sexually repressed religious folk with whom you seem to have a lot in common.   Just sayin’.

The Bellews really blew it.

September 21, 2012

To say nothing of the Islamic backlash in response to one of the worst videos I’ve probably ever seen, we have yet another example of religion at its worst and most lethal – this time, in the state of Oregon.  Russell and Brandi Bellew have been sentenced to five years probation for, in essence, killing Brandi’s 16-year-old son with their subscription to a ridiculous theology (redundant!).

So, with their son Austin writhing in pain for days and days from a burst appendix — which they claim (and probably still do) that only prayer and the intercession of some zombie-baby-Jesus-who-is-his-own-son-and-father can cure — they looked on with, no doubt, sadness and despair.   Truly, what parent, unless they are completely socio- or psychopathic, could do otherwise?  When Austin finally dies — to no one’s surprise but his idiot parents — his murderers are given a slap on the wrist by a court that apparently seems unwilling to properly punish these parents, lest the free exercise of religion be infringed upon in some way.

What in the fuck is wrong with this picture?

This is, once again, religion getting a free pass.   If anyone else had done what the Bellews did and at the same time did not cite a divine authority, they would’ve been locked up faster than you can say “cognitive dissonance”.  

But you know, I gotta admit — there is a train of thought that gives me some pause here.  Austin was old enough to drive, which means he probably could’ve driven himself to a hospital.   I wonder — did he have his license, or a car or access to one?  If his parents are this religious he was, no doubt, homeschooled.  So, I wonder if he had any friends that he could’ve asked to help him.  Perhaps Austin isn’t a victim at all.  Perhaps he drank the Kool Aid, too, and was as much to blame in his own death as were his parents who spoon-fed him the idiocy that led him to his tragic end.  And I’m guessing that the “I’ll believe anything” gene runs in the family – his father, Brian Sprout, died of sepsis in 2007 after – yep – he refused medical intervention for an infection.

Well, natural selection works in mysterious ways, I guess.

Everyone is freaking out about Romney’s video, about what a big scary jerk he is for saying something that, hey, not only needed to be said but has been said repeatedly in the comfort of many living rooms all over this nation.   At least Romney had enough balls to admit to it (even if it was to a roomful of rich elitist cunts).

Are there people who leach off the system?  Yep.  Do those people vote?  Yep.  Who do they generally vote for?  The ones who promise to keep that nipple shoved right in their greedy, entitlement-riddled mouths.   And who, exactly, are those promise keepers?  The ones who espouse big government and who continue to sell the snake-oil-soaked myth that government is there to help people.

I say, anyone who believes that the intention of government, big or small, is to help people are fooling themselves.

Hasn’t the welfare state shown beyond any doubt that it provides absolutely no incentives whatsoever to recoil from that poisoned breast?

Oh, and in case you were wondering – it should also be clear that the intention of government is to grow the government.  Period.  For these pukes in suits, it’s about job security.  Power.  Control.  Self-importance.  They have ideas that they want to propagate through the womb of democracy.   Oh well, good for them.  Penn Jillette said it best: “I don’t know what’s best for everybody.  I don’t even know what’s best for myself!”

I’m sure you’ve heard some equivalent of the following: “If we just elect the right people, everything will be okay.”  What utter self-deluding bullshit!

The irony about the Repugs and their high-and-mighty condemnations of big government is that they themselves are part of the problem.   On the other side of the aisle, the problem with the Republicrats (how quickly people forget that the U. S. of A. is a republic and not a true democracy in any sense of that word) is that they are just as guilty of the high-and-mightiness of which they accuse their Repug counterparts.  They should all be leaving people the fuck alone to screw up their lives any way they see fit.  (The ban in NYC on large sugary drinks comes to mind — more on this in a future post.  Sorry I’m all over the place — I’m just out of practice.)

I actually find Romney’s after-the-fact hemming and hawing to be much more offensive, that he’s not willing to fully own what he said in what was probably one of the most honest moments the man has had in his career.  If you’re a politician running for the highest office in the country, you have to be willing to say to an entire nation what you would say to a roomful of like-minded assholes.  Oh, but wait – politics is all about wearing many faces to many people.  Dishonesty.  That’s precisely why I don’t even participate in the democratic process anymore.

i.e.  I don’t vote.

There has been no candidate worthy of my support.  (The only reason I voted for Obama in 2008 — which, incidentally, was the very last time I voted — is because he wasn’t McCain/Palin.  When the only choice is, most often, the lesser of evils, how can a system like this sustain itself?)  The fact that this man Romney, and Obama, and the many men (and some women) like them, want to assert some authority over me, tell me what I can or cannot do, think, say, and then dare to tell me that it’s all in service to my better interests — that’s reason enough for me to suspect them and to suspend any trust in their leadership skills.

If I wanted to willingly submit to that kind of bullshit, I’d start going to church.

I’ve been silent too long.

September 20, 2012

Well, faithful readers… I’m back.

It’s been too long.  There is too much bullshit going on that needs to be addressed.  I’ve been remiss in doing my part, as Hitch put it, to destroy the enemies of civilization.

Stay tuned for more vitriol, more reason — and, I hope, more pursuit of truth, wherever that path may lead me.

My deepest apologies, faithful readers, for my long absence.  I can assure you that my vitriol is not in short supply; rather, it is my time which suffers that tragic yet commonplace malady.  Without further ado…

I can tell you all the things that Tiger Woods is.   He’s a professional golfer, he’s a multi-millionaire, he’s a celebrity.  But folks, I can also tell you what he’s not – and he ain’t no sex addict.

Here’s the scoop – the guy got caught cheating on his wife with a bunch of skanky women and then realized that his endorsements and his fan club would dry up if he didn’t do something to resurrect his squeaky-clean image, so he did what so many other men in a similar pinch have tried to do – play the “I can’t help it” card.  “I’m addicted, I couldn’t help myself”, blah blah blah.

Don’t get me wrong, here – I couldn’t give a shit about his marriage or his infidelities.  I get that we are all walking that fine line between “animal” and what we call “human”.  I believe I’ve proven that.  I’m not offended by any of that.  What offends me is the bullshit campaign he’s running.  Checking into sex rehab?  Puh-leeze.  Half of America should be in sex rehab, if you believe Tiger’s line.  Don’t be fooled – he is no victim here.  He’s a human mammal, plain and simple, with urges and desires like all the rest of us, he indulged, he got reckless and stupid and got caught.  End of story, folks.  The only thing he is a victim of is his endocrine system.  So you’re not perfect after all?  Join the club, Tiger.

Truth in adverse-tising.

January 7, 2010

Commercials.  They really, really suck.  They loudly disrupt our television viewing and they subliminally suggest to all of us what we need to purchase so that we can be whole, happy, and not suck any longer.  We are constantly bombarded with images of cookies, razors, jeans, candy bars, investment banks, and so on.  But you know, there are some products we, strangely enough, don’t ever see ads for on TV.  Here are a few examples:

1.  String.  (Steven Wright has famously opined on this, so I won’t belabor the point.)

2.  Douche.   (Do women even use this shit anymore?)

3.  Canned tomatoes.  (Not spaghetti sauce, not pizza sauce – I’m talking good ol’ diced tomatoes.  A staple in any decent kitchen cupboard.)

4.  Knitting needles.  (There are lots of old women and hippie dippies making their own sweaters and shit.)

5.  Fingernail clippers.  (We all use ’em – well, except maybe this woman.)

6.  Dog leashes.  (Some dogs are pretty fuckin’ strong.)

7.  Sandpaper.  (There’s good sandpaper, and then there’s cheap-ass-eats-through-quickly-and-ruins-your-fingers sandpaper.)

8.  Towels.  (Think of all those nauseating ads for toilet paper.  What about towels, the softness of which we so deserve and should demand?)

Are there some products that simply don’t need to be advertised?  Products whose manufacturers have cornered their particular market and now nothing more needs to be said about them?  Why, then, must we be subjected to ads extolling the virtues of mountain fresh Clorox bleach?

Let me know which products you think are strangely absent from Commercial Land.  Go get a life – but keep reading this blog!

Catching up on belly-aching.

December 16, 2009

Well, faithful readers, needless to say, I’ve been a bit distracted lately by other things.   But don’t you worry – there is no shortage of vitriol in this latest installment.  I’ll need to hit a few topics, so pardon the wandering.

1.  First of all, it is of course the Christmas season, probably my least favorite time of the year.  Why, do you ask?  Because of how arbitrary and soul-sucking it truly is.  Think about it – you, like millions of others, are probably stressing about what to buy for whom, where to buy it, how much it will cost, how you can’t afford it, while standing in line at lifeless box stores thinking about it all, and why?  Because once upon a time, some religious nutcases decided to celebrate some kid’s birthday around the same time that a bunch of pagans were being burned at the stake for celebrating the winter solstice?  Give me a fucking break.  Christmas is complete and utter bullshit.  Do what I did and drop out altogether – and enjoy the time off with the people you love the most without feeling obligated.  Life is way too short for that kind of shit.

2.  Who gives a shit about Tiger fucking Woods?  I don’t.  So he cheated on his wife.  Big fucking deal.  A lot of guys do.   Gals, too.  That’s because monogamy  is a wholly unrealistic expectation that humans place on each other.  So, let’s all admit that we’re human and we like to fuck each other, sometimes without the presence of love and romance.   And because of his actions, Tiger’s sponsors are pulling out (so to speak, heh).  Well isn’t that the pot calling the kettle black.  You don’t think the CEOs of some of these hotshot companies don’t have a line of mistresses pulling down their stockings outside their office doors?  Puhleeze.

3.  Obama gets the Nobel PEACE Prize and then says “Hey, let’s send a shitload more troops to Afghanistan.  I think it will work.”  Yeah, that makes fucking sense.  Whatever happened to “you cannot simultaneously prevent and prepare for war”?  Oh wait, that was Einstein who said that.  A fucking genius.   I’ve been regretting my vote for Obama for some time now, but hey – at least he’s not McCain.  Ain’t democracy grand?

4.  Some 8 year old kid in Massachusetts got sent home from school this week for drawing a picture of Jesus on the cross with Xs on the eyes.   The class was asked to draw something pertaining to the holidays, and this is what he came up with.  Wrong holiday, kid – that’s the bloodthirst-quenching holiday of Easter you depicted.  You missed it by a few months.  Ah well.  He was inspired by a recent family visit to some wacko Christian retreat in his neck of the woods.  The school want to have him psychologically evaluated because of the “violent” nature of his drawing.   Well, duh!  I think anyone who fixates on some dead dude nailed to a cross ought to have their head examined.  And people are just starting to the figure this out now?   That perhaps we shouldn’t be exposing our children to this kind of religious mind-fuckery?  Christopher Hitchens calls it child abuse for a reason, folks.

Well, that’s it for now.  Maybe I’ll be back again soon.  Stay tuned.

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