November 12, 2009
Well, he’s done it. Donald Crabtree has reopened his Grand View Coffee Shop in Vassalboro, Maine, much to the delight of coffee-, freedom- and booby-lovers everywhere. Granted, his new digs are an office trailer… but who cares? The coffee is flowing, the donuts are glazed, and the women are topless. Every straight man’s dream, right?
I actually heard a wrinkled, humorless old woman on Wednesday night’s local news say that she thinks Don and his shirtless staff should go “someplace else” like New York or Boston. Ah, fuck her. Check out the broadcast here:
While the arsonist who burned down the original shop remains at large (prudish bastard!), it’s heartening to know that Mr. Crabtree is bound and determined to keep plowing ahead. I say good for him, and good for coffee-, freedom- and booby-lovers everywhere.
July 15, 2009
Victory for lovers of boobs and bean juice the world over – Donald Crabtree was granted permission on Tuesday night to rebuild his controversial Grand View Coffee Shop.
The Vassalboro town planning board gave it the A-OK. And I say good for him. He’s been handed a few conditions that he must meet to satisfy the town officials, but folks – jugs and java are still a go for this rural Maine town.
So sit back, relax with a cup of joe, and say “Hell yeah!”
And now if we could just find the bastard who burned the place down and string him up by his balls. Because you know it was some religious nutcase guy who is so brainwashed by the church that he actually believes some invisible man in the sky gives a shit about whether or not you look at naked boobies while you drink coffee and eat donuts.
You just can’t make this shit up.
June 9, 2009
I’d bet my left arm that the arsonist who burned down the Grand View Coffee Shop was in the crowd at Monday night’s special town meeting in Vassalboro, Maine. At the meeting, residents voted overwhelmingly to restrict new adult businesses in their quaint little town. Some folks even wanted an outright ban on adult businesses – but the town warned all those holier-than-thou folks that such an ordinance could leave the town vulnerable to lawsuits. Gotta guard that precious tax revenue, after all.
I bet all those nearly 400 people who voted in favor of the new ordinance felt so good about themselves: “We’ll teach that no good Crabtree not to bring immorality and indecency to our little town.” Yeah, torch his business and then make a new rule. Nah nah n-nah nah, middle finger extended, yada yada…
Oh, but wait – it gets better.
The town’s selectmen have already decided that Crabtree’s business, if and when he rebuilds, would be grandfathered – so long as he builds just what he had before, which was your average, run-of-the-mill topless coffee and donut shop.
Take THAT, you pious nosy fuckers!
So, let me get this straight – these prudish wackos have made a new rule that will basically help Crabtree’s business – he will have a monopoly, however small, in his town on adult-oriented business. This will actually make his business even more unique and desirable – and, as a result, it will bring even more of these immoral riff raff types into the town who enjoy coffee like they enjoy their women – with boobs.
The crazy thing is if the waitstaff at the Grand View were male, we wouldn’t be having this discussion. At all. What the fuck is up with that?
June 4, 2009
So, some asshole burned down the Grand View Coffee Shop.
Owner Donald Crabtree had just been before the local planning board that very evening to seek approval for expanding his business into a full-on strip club, but was rudely awakened – literally and figuratively – by the vengeful flames that completed destroyed his business at 1:00 a.m. on Wednesday.
What do you want to bet that the arsonist is some religious nutcase who thinks that women ought to be barefoot, pregnant and demure and that this type of blatant immorality is a slap in god’s face and is harmful to our children and is the downfall of civilization and is a sign of the end times and blah blah blah…?
Mr. Crabtree says he intends to rebuild. I say good for him. People are always going to like coffee and doughnuts, but what is also true – and what the pious flock need to get through their brainwashed little pea-brain noggins – is that people like to look at bare breasts, too.
May 26, 2009
This just in – police are hot on the trail of a waitress who was caught in her work uniform outside of the Grand View Topless Coffee Shop. Apparently, the woman was seen outside of the shop – GASP! – not wearing a top.
Am I missing something here? What’s there to investigate? The woman works at the Grand View, so obviously that means she doesn’t wear a top. Hence the TOPLESS part of TOPLESS COFFEE SHOP. So she stepped outside for a moment. Does the D.A. really need to get involved with this? The report reads, “A state trooper was sent to investigate.” Yeah, and I’m sure he was loath to the task, too.
So, it’s OK to be topless indoors (as well it should) but not outside? Men enjoy the right to walk around in public without a shirt. Why not women? Seriously, why not women? Aren’t the six-pack abs or shapely pecs on a man as much of a turn-on as a pair of women’s breasts? Call me stupid, but I really don’t understand why we are so prudish in this society.